Number 10- Omigod, there's just not enough stretchers to catch all those terrified b-moms hurling themselves out windows.

Number 9- Angry environmentalists won't stand for massive tree-cutting required to make all these new documents. Northern Spotted owls or adult adoptees? You choose.

Number 8- Stress control for hypochondriac adoptees: no medical history, no worries.

Number 7- What will the NCFA do with all their spare time, take up bowling?

Number 6- Cost increase: massive outcry from adoptive parents would require use of sign language interpreters for deafened adoption attorneys.

Number 5- Slowing of adoptions; passage of new federal regulations would require tedious adoptee labeling, "Warning, this product has a tendency to try to locate and return to the factory."

Number 4- Would force Mujibur and Sirijul out of the birthfather closet.

Number 3- No more paid searches will lead to the financial collapse of Catholic Charities as we know it.

Number 2- Monetary burdens for birthparents: costly visits from electricians and carpenters to remove knockers and disconnect doorbells against clichéd "on the doorstep" adoptees from hell.

And the Number 1 reason why Pennsylvania Can't Open Adoption Records-

"You can't handle the truth!"